As coaches and therapists, we spend so much time identifying the red flags of a toxic relationship, but what about the green flags of a healthy relationship? I previously asked my clients and Facebook group members what the 5 most important red flags of a toxic relationship were, so I surveyed them again. 

I’ll be honest; the responses weren’t as numerous. That tells me there is work to do here to spread that message. What I did get, though, was relationship gold. I’m sincerely proud of their growth and insight, so I present the 5 green flags of a healthy relationship!

They respect your boundaries.

They understand that when you say “no,” that doesn’t mean “I said no, but try to talk me out of it. This consideration also means when setting a ground rule, they don’t keep pushing against that line to see if they can nudge it to get what they want. Does that mean rules can’t change, or a “no” can eventually be a “yes?” Of course not, but that’s where the next item comes into play. 

They are committed to open, honest, solutions-oriented conversations.

They can articulate their needs and emotions and allow you to do the same. You can express feelings without fear or judgment, and they give you room to grow and change. Both parties can speak their minds, be heard, and decide how to move forward together. 

They don’t try to gaslight you. 

As a reminder, to “gaslight” someone is to try to get them to question their truth, memories, or perceptions. When you try to tell them how you feel about something, your point of view isn’t diminished or disregarded as sheer fantasy. A considerate partner will listen and work with you to understand why you feel like you do. 

They own their bad behavior.

Your significant other will apologize appropriately and work to improve when they hurt you. What does that look like, you ask? “I’m sorry I hurt you. That wasn’t my intention; however, I understand how my actions were upsetting. What can I do to make it up to you or change what I’m doing?” Then they follow through with a quantifiable long-term behavioral change. An important note here! Be careful of “I’m sorry if you feel I….” That “if” is putting the ownership back on you and isn’t a proper apology. 

They aren’t trying to “fix” you.

No one needs to save you. You aren’t a Disney Princess. Neither participant enacts parental role to the other. A good companion will sit with you silently and hold space for you. They will listen without judgment. They will validate your feelings but not tell you what they think you should do unless asked. Healthy relationships that engage in the first 4 items ensure number 5 isn’t an issue.

_{Did we miss any you feel are important green flags of a healthy relationship? Join the discussion at our Facebook group. Details on how to join can be found at: https://www.facebook.com/thekeepmovingmission}