“You ever feel, you know, not-so-fresh?”

I remember well that dialog from the famous feminine hygiene commercial from the 1980s. Having that “not-so-fresh feeling” became a part of pop culture with staying power and applied to so many situations…

Including this one!

Not feeling “good enough” because of our education, job performance, creativity, and relationships is more common than you think. So, where does it come from, and how can you change those thoughts to feeling like you can take on the world no matter what?

How the “not-so-good-enough” feeling develops over time.

Our existence as a child revolves around receiving unconditional love and acceptance from our caregivers, i.e., our parents. When parents fail to meet these needs through abuse or neglect, it can cause the child to subconsciously try to be “better” to obtain the care they need. They believe that when Mom and Dad are happy, they aren’t so mean, give them attention, etc. So they start trying to elicit these responses by becoming potential “fixers” to their parents’ issues. As the situation persists, these efforts on the child’s behalf don’t work. They internalize the feeling that they fell short of their goals and perceive the failure as not being “good enough.” They feel responsible for their parents’ behavior and inability to change it. The reality is that it’s a parent’s responsibility to care for a child and not the other way around. An impressionable young person just isn’t going to measure up to that challenge.

There is one hard truth about changing the “not-so-good enough” view.

No one wants to believe their childhood wasn’t perfect or that their parents didn’t have the best intentions for them. However, until we come to terms with that idea, we will continue to take on that “not-so-good enough” feeling as a defining truth for our lives. It’s much easier to blame ourselves than accept the truth about what went on in our families. When we acknowledge what happened and that we were not at fault for those actions, we can start moving forward from that belief. Only then can we not be defined by our family interactions and begin to express ourselves.

How can the “not-so-good enough” belief be changed?

Not feeling “good enough” is called a “limiting belief,” i.e., a belief that keeps us from reaching our full potential. Get out a sheet of paper and ask yourself the following questions:

– What makes you believe that thought about yourself?

– Can you remember when you first thought that way?

– Who taught you that about yourself?

– What evidence is there to support this belief, if any, and how often does that happen?

– Has there been any time where it didn’t happen, or you didn’t feel that way about yourself?

– Do you feel this belief still has relevance in your life?

Put some time into these questions and give them some good thought. After you’ve answered them, you can then start working to change the belief:

– How does the limiting belief serve you or do for you?

– How would you prefer to be, act, and feel?

– What would you like to believe about yourself instead?

Now that you have identified what you would rather believe than not feeling “good enough,” you can find confirmations in your life to support this new point of view:

– What are you already doing or have done that provides evidence of this new belief?

– What skills, talents, or abilities do you have that support this new belief?

– What strengths do you have that support this new belief?

From this list, construct a daily affirmation and say it to yourself first thing in the morning. Start the sentence with “I am” and then add one of your identified talents, skills, or strengths. As you go throughout your day, see if you can identify instances that support your affirmation and review them before you go to sleep. Doing this every day helps your mind shift from the former belief to the new one you are creating. The regular repetition causes your brain to accept the new idea as fact.

Changing that “not-so-good-enough” feeling may take longer than changing that “not-so-fresh” feeling, but once you do, you can let it go forever. I can’t guarantee you’ll always feel “fresh,” but I can say you’ll feel more confident you can do something about wherever you find yourself in life.