3 Things You Can Do Right Now
My position at work was recently furloughed due to COVID-19.
While I’ve gone through what I would describe as the typical stages of grief and, granted, there is hope that I get to return to my job, I realized that if this were about five years ago, I wouldn’t be doing as well with the sudden change and loss in my life.
I remember well what I will refer to as “the great wailing and gnashing of teeth.” I was at the end of the most toxic and abusive relationship I had ever experienced. A tremendous loss of any kind is never easy, but back then, I hadn’t learned the variety of tools or coping mechanisms I needed to get my life back on track. There was at least a week that I just kind of “existed” if you can even call it that. This limbo I found myself in felt as if it had glued my feet in place and that I would never leave. I vividly remember how I felt stuck at that moment and wondered if I would ever feel better.
Fortunately, I would soon learn about the importance of the ability to “keep moving.” Later I would find out through therapy, and life coaches that there is something to this notion that no matter how small, doing the next three things when going through the rougher patches in life will help you get back amongst the living and down the road in any kind of recovery.
1. Exercise
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have led with this as some of you may have said “nope” and peaced out already but hear me out for a minute. I’m not saying put yourself through the immediate torture of doing a high impact cardio workout for 30 minutes when maybe you haven’t been taking the best care of yourself for a while. I’m just talking about a small type of putting one foot in front of the other gradually to get to a point where you feel like you are participating in life, because, honestly, right now, I understand that you don’t want to. The bed or couch is a much more comfortable place to be. Just a small “maybe I’ll walk around the block today” can lead to an “I’m going to walk 3 miles today” way down the line. You just need to start small and build from there but do something. In this situation, the phrase “this is a marathon, not a sprint” is the perfect analogy.
You may be saying, “why is this so important?” Ding, ding, ding! Ring the bell! Here is your science moment! You know the somewhat boring to most but so important moment. We’ve for sure all heard about the “Runner’s High.” Exercise stimulates the body to produce endorphins. You feel better after a workout, and more prepared to deal with trials. Physical activity increases the volume of specific brain regions because of the increased blood flow that comes with movement that supports neuronal health. Of most importance here is your hippocampus, which controls emotional regulation. The reduction of nerve cell formation in the hippocampus is with mental health conditions, so if you don’t want to do it for your body, do it for your brain! It will most certainly thank you.
It helps to get out and do this with friends, if possible. Especially now during COVID-19, it may be the only way to see your friends! The friends you choose should be generally upbeat and not currently toxic to you. Read that again: toxic to you. Pick those who will lift you and engage in lighter conversations about the weather, hobbies, pets, etc. Doing so will help you stay in the present moment and feel almost more “normal.”
A quick word here; I’m not saying stop thinking about and forget what has happened. That wouldn’t be realistic, and something called “toxic positivity.” You don’t want to avoid the situation and not deal with it. I am saying that you need time away from it. Constant ruminating on something only helps to keep you stuck. Focusing on exercise for a small moment of your day gives you that mental break.
The unintentional bonus of exercising: Exercise increases the amount of deep sleep you get. Deep sleep is where the brain and body have a chance to repair. Sleeping better puts you in a better mood and reduces stress with the rejuvenation process. Getting better sleep also helps to fight weight gain. When you don’t sleep well, the hormones that regulate your appetite are not appropriately adjusted. Why is this important? No…it’s not another science moment, but rather a great segue to the next “thing.”
2. Eat Healthier
A little after “the great wailing and gnashing of teeth,” I seemed to be doing better. Participating in life more, taking vacations, you know, regular activities. We had a health fair at work, and I decided to get my glucose levels checked. Type II Diabetes runs in my family, and I’ve had high glucose level numbers during blood work before. I was not prepared for the utter horror of the fair volunteer when she saw my reading two hours after eating. If I remember correctly, it was 314 and should be 140 or less. I tried to explain it away. “Oh, I ate something salty and haven’t had much water.” A blood test later at the doctor would confirm that yes, I had Type II Diabetes. The blood test also revealed I had an elevated liver enzyme and high cholesterol. When I got home, I remember looking up at my husband through my tear swollen eyes and saying, “But I have an unhealthy relationship with food.” I didn’t know how I would reverse this. I didn’t want to go on medication. I’ve seen how the drugs either don’t work or cause other damage. I was scared. Even more than that, I just didn’t see a way out of this situation.
Ding, ding, ding! Put the ice cream down! It’s time for your science moment! When we go through a life loss or any type of abuse or neglect, we are at an elevated risk of depression. When in our depressive states, there is a tendency to self-soothe with things that aren’t good for us like high fat, sugar, or salty foods and alcohol. We turned to these highly palatable foods mostly to “numb the pain” instead of not being taught to properly self soothe. When you eat these types of foods, they stimulate the same centers in your brain that are stimulated by drug addiction. Yikes! I know…that expression wasn’t exactly scientific but take that in for a second. We are behaving like addicts looking for our next high. The extended amygdala in our brain is associated with anxiety. When you are withdrawing from drugs, this part of the brain becomes increasingly sensitive. Feeding it, whether with drugs or food, helps us feel momentary relief from the produced anxiety. I consumed mass amounts of comfort food and alcohol during abuse and afterward definitely didn’t have me feeling good about myself long term. I despised looking at pictures of myself because I was overweight, and my skin looked terrible from dehydration.
So…time to find other ways of getting those feel-good foods that don’t damage our health and appearance. I bought a lot of cookbooks when I found out I had Type II Diabetes. I got ones for diabetics, based on the paleo diet, quick weight loss oriented, all kinds! Y’all, and I say that because I’m from Texas, let me tell you: I love pancakes. I mean, I love pancakes, and I found the most delicious satisfying recipe in one of those books. I’m not telling anyone to dump foods you like, but I am saying that you can make them healthier! I don’t eat tofu, again, I’m from Texas. I do eat healthier meats, but I always loved chicken. Oh! I almost forgot that my husband even asks me to make the healthy brisket recipe I found in one of those books! Something else is I found that manufacturers are making healthier ice creams now. Do some research, and by that, I mean to try different ones! Many, many, different ones.
If I could insert a “wink” emoji here, I would…
Since my Type II Diabetes diagnosis, I am forty pounds lighter and feeling great most days — my blood sugar is close to normal ranges, and I enjoy more significant health benefits. The liver enzyme no longer shows elevation, and my good cholesterol is beating out the bad cholesterol! While your results may vary, you should discuss changes in any exercise regimen or dietary plan with a health care professional familiar with your situation and limitations before implementing it, but do start somewhere! Whether it’s less salt or less fat or more water, just do something to help you feel better about yourself inside and out! Given what I said two paragraphs ago, you can go ahead and pick the ice cream back up now.
3. Engage in Self-Interested Activities
One thing right off the bat; don’t read this as “selfish.” What I mean is it’s time for you to do you! If you have been in a toxic relationship for any period, you have probably forgotten about the things that make you happy. You have spent so much time appeasing the whims of another human being, that you don’t know how to take time for yourself. When I look back at my own experience, I was so on track with doing the things I love. I blogged, had public speaking engagements, got ready for a whole new career, and then the unexpected happened. Bam! I started engaging in new pursuits not aligned with what I previously wanted for my life because of a profound lack of boundaries. It’s crazy how fast it can happen, but if you are reading this, you probably know that.
If you are going through a life change of any kind, focusing a little each day on activities that you enjoy can help you feel more optimistic about your situation. You’ll start feeling like you are doing something. You are accomplishing something. Engaging in these self-interests may even help you “pivot” whether that be in your career or other life goals because you are getting to know who you are and what makes you uniquely you. It’s time to find out what makes you tick!
The question to ask yourself is, “what can I do that makes myself get lost to time.” What do you like to do when you start and eventually look up its two hours or later? These are the things that truly make you who you are at your core and make you excited to get up in the morning. When you take some time out to focus on the activities that you love, for no matter how long, it can go a long way in reducing stress.
You know what’s coming, right? Ding, ding, ding! Yet another science moment! When you engage in the activities that you enjoy the most, your brain releases dopamine. It’s the “feel-good” neurotransmitter and is the chemical that works to move you forward. Dopamine signals the potential outcome of your activity then helps push you towards achieving that outcome. So mostly, when you start doing the things that make you feel good, you want to keep going. Dopamine is seriously your “emotional cheerleader” here. “Go, Team, Go!”
Dig deep and figure out what resonates with your soul. Don’t make the mistake of getting involved in activities that may be about what someone else wants just to stay busy. You shouldn’t just do just anything as a “passing the time” kind of concept. I want to revisit my earlier comment about toxic positivity because if you just stay busy, it defeats the purpose of true healing. You aren’t finding you but more likely pushing the real you deep down inside, and that shouldn’t ever be the plan.
The most important relationship you can have is with yourself. You are all you are going to have in the end. There is no better time to start living for you in healthier ways than now. By taking these small steps forward, you can eventually move into the next phase of your life and healing.
It’s scientific, after all.
Ding, ding, ding!
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